I get by with a little help from my friends ...

This was the title to a presentation/paper at a recent conference I attended. At the time, I thought it was amusing and a reflection of some of the environments I've lived in. Basically, it revealed the difference between friends and acquaintances and how useful acquaintances can be for certain tasks like finding a job (weak/strong social ties) in a "non-metro" setting somewhere in Wisconsin. The presenter's evidence showed a significant predominance of weak ties in this community. Surprise! Surprise!

As previously mentioned, I was working at a book manufacturing firm prior to moving to Mississippi. At this firm, nearly everyone was related to someone else. (By the way, this was how I rediscovered that information is a form of power ... how firms grow out of control and lose their clients ... more on that later.) I was one of the exceptions and reminded every so often of this fact. At the time of being hired, I was told I was to replace nearly four other employees. Nearly six months after, nothing happened. Why?

Apparently, I had rubbed one of my coworkers (whom I later learned was the niece and daughter of several other, upper-management employees) the wrong way because I was doing more than should have been assigned. She had called a "special" meeting with one of the managers, which she and her uncle attended. Personally, I would die of embarassment if I would ever even think of having my mommy, daddy or dear uncle join me in calling a "special" business meeting. Later that day, the manager came to my desk and informed me I was doing too much and that I was being watched.

I was not caught off-guard as I knew what was coming but was just so disgusted with being employed at a firm that condoned such unprofessionalism and reprimanded for it. Mind you, this has been common practice through several other firms I've been employed at before. Sadly, this trend is very much a part of the Mississippi culture.

I should be used to it by now but just can't seem to get over it -- nor will I ever. One of my reason for moving to Mississippi was to escape this nonsense. I wanted to prove to myself that the "American Dream" is still alive and being kept alive by people like me -- immigrants, sons and daughters of immigrants.

While my coworker was flipping through "American Eagle" catalogs, making plans for which outfit ensemble she was going to buy with her upcoming paycheck, I was starting/finalizing plans to attend a certain conference being held at my current school. It surprised me that she didn't place value on going school or perhaps believing she can actually have employment without the influence of others. Then again, it all doesn't really matter as long as your shoes and purse match the rest of you.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not operating at full capacity and haven't been since moving here. There were a lot of issues, "stuff" in general that followed me from Illinois and these mingled with new Mississippi "stuff" -- which has lead to a mess beyond description. I think back to my motivations (more on that later) and sacrifices I've made in order to be here and it makes me so angry at myself.

My thoughts gravitate towards my mom, dad and those who came before me. I come from folk who worked hard, no matter what they did. Pride, selft-respect are everything. Here I am, someone who came to accept mediocrity ...